Christmas crafts for the office!

So we're having a contest at work to see who can decorate their office in the most "creative" fashion. with such liberties afforded me, I took it upon myself to finally have justification for creating a masterpeice otherwise known as "tampon lights."

And as you might expect, one of the "ladies" in my office was offended. I was told to be "creative" and I did just that. When you think about it, tampons make a great craft matetrial. They're well constructed, designed for durability and provide a really versatile shape. Why more people don't jump on this bandwagon is beyond me!

You can find more great ideas for tampon craft projects at this website.

(you'll have to excuse the poor picture quality as my THIRD digital camera is, once again, out of comission. I used my cell phone.)

The female Russian Tortoise can retain sperm for up to 3 years

So I’m starting a new job on Monday.

And as much as I tried to fight it, it’s true what they say about the last couple weeks after you’ve put in your notice: I’ve totally checked out. So I sit at my desk all day, looking for entertainment on the internet, feeling ZERO guilt that I’m getting paid to do, well, nothing. My boss has refrained from giving me anymore projects, and rightly so, but I am bored out of my mind.

So I have mostly been spending my days reading about Russian Tortoises and chatting them up with other RT owners all over the world on this forum. I still have little insight as to why my torts haven’t mated yet – but at least now I know it’s possible for the female to retain sperm with her for up to 3 years before laying any eggs! I've learned that I need to improve their diet so I spent $12 ordering seeds online so I can grow them some tasty dandelions. (I could write a whole other post about my, ahem, “experiences” attempting to keep any plant alive, but that's for another day.)


I’ve also taken more internet surveys and lame questionnaires telling me everything from my IQ (which isn’t as high as it was when I was 6 and placed in gifted classes, to my horror) to which career I should be pursuing (detective) to what astrological sign I “should” be (cancer – good call). It’s amazing how much you can learn about yourself from these extremely reputable sources on psychology and human behavior. I never would have thought to be a DETECTIVE of all things! But now, thanks to the internet, I should probably start thinking about a major career move. And hey…maybe all those re-runs of Law & Order I’ve been voraciously watching over the years have had some integral effect on me.

On Sophia Coppola's "Marie Antoinette"

The French didn't like it. And I can see why, I suppose, after studying French culture, language and literature for 4 years - plus the 6 months I spent living there. It failed to acknowledge the down-trodden masses of people "without cake" while the Royal family and their constituants lived in lavish ignorance.




But I thought the film was beautiful: From the costumes, to the scenery to the music to the emotion. After watching the film I couldn't sleep that night. I was tossing and turning with visions of pre-revolutinoary France dancing in my head, of beautiful dresses and shoes and orante golden furniture. Of a young, ignorant Austrian woman forced into Royalty and power when she was just 15.

I like Coppola's modern take on the film as well; the character speak like young people speak today, wiht a certain lack of elegance and comfortable slang. The soundtrack included songs by the Strokes and Bow Wow Wow, yet somehow seemed to fit beautifully where they were placed, despite the 300+ years of cultural progression.

I'm all for "Vive la France"...

but she never said "Let them eat cake."

How much is that cat in the window?

The Lovatos make a night time appearance

The first *chilly night of the season. (*The adjective "chilly" being relative, of course)

Karaoke

Meet Dallas: karaoke star, Dog the Bounty Hunter look-a-like and social gem. I have no idea if, in fact, he is FROM Dallas...but I'm willing to bet that all his exes live in Texas.


This dirty old man kept flipping off the entire room as part of his dance moves to an amatur rendition of "That's amore"

Only in America

It's not the QUALITY of this photo that's important...it's the subject. To that end, this is what you get when you chop off the front of an old pick-up truck and solder(sp) it to some planks with wheels. CLASSY!

Apparently, Kim is constipated and I'm feeling a bit sassy (Scottsdale, AZ).


Preparing to hear Andy Rourke of the Smiths play a DJ set at the Rogue (Scottsdale, AZ).

Shakin our groove thang at the Phoenix show (Scottsdale, AZ). 

Phoenix plays Phoenix

Who never said that lighting doesn't set the mood? (Scottsdale, AZ).

Phoenix plays Phoenix, deux

The lead signer is engaged to Sophis Coppola (Scottsdale, AZ).

Any rumors that French folk are only into jazz can surely be dispelled (Scottsdale, AZ).

House of Cats

David makes friends with Chaucer and his leather paws. (Phoenix, AZ)

Chaucer likes him some itunes. (Phoenix, AZ)

Over-saturated color is a great disguise for a blurry image - and if you look REAL close, you'll notice there are 3 cats and one Jill. (Phoenix, AZ)

No scarlett letter for this guy - he had his 'manhood' removed before he got to tom-cattin' around

I think it's just today

Today is one of those days where all I really, REALLY want to do is sit in bed and zone out in front of the TV. I’d like to lose myself in bad re-run sitcoms and fall in and out of sleep as my cat cuddles up against my feet. My head hurts; I’m not feeling social; and I think that my brain has shut itself off indeterminately.

I’m supposed to be working. To be coming up with ideas on follow-up marketing materials for our fall membership recruitment campaign. Or sending out more spam emails about our hair show in February. But instead I’m watching the beta fish that I’ll be “fish-sitting” for the next week. He doesn’t do much; not that most fish do for that matter. But he seems perfectly content in milling about in one place, unceasingly flapping his mini side fins. And he almost looks dead – and I keep thinking I should be shaking his bowl just to make sure he’s moving. And I wonder if I ever appear that way to people? if my face is so blank or my eyes so tired that maybe I don’t look like I’m living. And sometimes I almost wish there were a way to REALLY shut off your brain, you know? So you don’t THINK about how unproductive you’re being, or how much fun you’re not having, how much money you aren’t making…how many elderly and sick people you aren’t visiting.

It’s warm. My desk is in the corner of the marketing office, and my two walls are floor-to-ceiling windows. And that might sound like a desirable place to be if you’re stuck at a desk for 8 hours a day. And really, it is. But not today. Because its one of those days where everything seems out of place, misplaced, mechanical, blasé. And the 100+ degree heat beats down on my all afternoon. The sun shines and shines and shines until you just want it to go away for a very long time, like when you spend too much time with your family – it’s nice for a little while, and then pretty soon it wears on you. Most days I take a great deal of pleasure from watching the critters scurry across the courtyard below: birds, bunnies, lizards, rats. They say there used to be coyotes around our building, but all the recent development (over-priced condos, Hummer dealerships and golf courses) has scared them off. There’s always a crane visible from my window, too, lest I forget that where I’m working used to be the desert.

But really…really, I think that I’m just having one of those days.

My attempt at "Domesticism"

For those who talk to me on a semi-regualr basis, you'll know that I've been talking up the idea of my learning to sew for quite some time now. Though I haven’t abandoned this idea altogether (I WILL learn to sew…even if I’m 80 when I do it), I replaced it this past weekend with another domestic hobby: baking.

Well, sort of.

I’m the really, really impatient type - like, if I try something and it doesn’t turn out fantastic the first time I give up and abandon the idea that perhaps I might just be the next x prodigy. “Practice makes perfect” and all that cliché jazz, I know. I just haven’t quite reached the point in my life where that becomes practice as opposed to theory.

So, I made banana bread last night. I used my mother’s recipe (through her insanity she does have some typical motherly qualities, including a collection of family recipes and the ability to sew). I had been planning on making said banana bread for about 2 weeks and Sunday evening seemed like the perfect time to do it. I even had rotten bananas stored in the freezer!

So this recipe, obtained from my mother via email, was basically a simple list of ingredients followed by a couple lines of instruction:“Sift drys three times. Cream butter and sugar. Add beaten eggs. Mix bananas and sour cream alternately with drys. Bake in greased loaf pan(s). Bake for about 45 minutes (depends on size of pans), but check for doneness before that.”

I had several…ahem…"problems” with these instructions. For starters, she never specified what temperature at which to bake the bread. Trying to think logically, I ruled out 450 degrees because that is what I usually set the oven for when I’m heating up a nice gourmet dinner-- consisting of a Freshetta 4-cheese frozen pizza. After "baking" cookies (well, "cookie dough") a few weeks ago at a temperature of 350, I figured that cookies and banana bread have a bit more in common than banana bread and frozen pizza.

Alright, so I had the oven pre-heated and my ingredients out. It was time to “sift the drys” (which, for someone without a sifter, consisted of a bowl, a fork and a lump of flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt). Easy enough, right? Okay.

This next part is where the real problems came into play. What the hell does it mean to "cream butter and sugar"? Seriously. WTF does that mean?!? After searching on the internet and through the one cook book I own (a wedding present, no less) I was still clueless. And at this point I had already dumped half the sugar in the bowl with the other “drys” but decided that maybe to “cream” butter and sugar means to mix them together until they turn to a “creamy” concoction. So I threw the butter in the microwave to try to make it “room temperature” but there were 2 sticks of butter - one I had taken from the freezer and the other from the refrigerator. So of course one of the butter sticks was more cooperative than the other. At any rate, I began to “cream” the oddly melted butter and half of the remaining sugar, which basically turned into a butter-sugar-hand mixer free for all.

Next up were the “beaten eggs.” The recipe called for two eggs, but nowhere (besides the “instructions”) did it mention they were to be of the “beaten” variety, nor did it go into detail about what, exactly, a “beaten” egg is. Is there such thing as an egg beater? Is this a kitchen appliance I forgot to register for? (I ended up using a whisk). An added bonus on this one: I hate eggs. I think they’re disgusting and the look and smell of a raw egg is almost enough to make me vomit. Oh joy.

So after I had “sifted the drys,” “creamed” the butter and sugar and “beaten” the eggs,
I was, again at a loss. The recipe never said WHEN to add said ingredients together. So I just poured them all together in a separate bowl at this point. The dough was a pretty gross glob of raw eggs, gooey buttery sugar, and cups of flour and sugar – definitely not like anything I gleefully witnessed my mother baking as a child…but I wasn’t quite done at this point. I was to interpret the next portion: “Mix bananas and sour cream alternately with drys.” Does this mean I shouldn’t have added the “cream” and eggs yet? And was I supposed to start with the bananas or the sour cream? OR, was I to mix them together with each other first and then add to the rest of the mix? What I ended up doing, I think, was dumping both the smooshed bananas and the sour cream into the already existing lump of crap until the color was almost cohesive. And as for actually baking these loaves… well… “about 45 minutes”? And how about “check for doneness”? How am I supposed to know when a loaf of banana bread is “done”? And the fact that I was guessing at the baking temperature didn’t help, either. So I ended up cooking them a bit too long, until the top of the loaves were a golden brown. There’s nothing wring with a crunchy crust, right? I mean, especially when we’re talking baked goods. All in all, though, surprisingly, they turned out alright. They didn’t taste as good as my mother’s but at least they’re edible and will probably be super yummy heated up and served with vanilla ice cream and hot fudge.

Will I be baking more banana bread anytime soon? Probably not. In fact, I think I’ll refrain from even buying bananas for fear of seeing them turn ripe – the sure sign that they’re prepped for banana bread goodness.

After the Convention: Co-workers and alcohol

Looks like someone's been hitting up the tanning bed a bit more often than recommended... (Las Vegas, NV).

I have no idea what to say to this (Las Vegas, NV).

Obviously, I had clue where, exactly, the camera was pointed (Las Vegas, NV).

This guy was soo READY (Las Vegas, NV).

The boss finally lets loose (he's the tall skinny white guy in the blue polo)

I find Vegas is more 'delightful' sans flash

Before the convention: co-workers and Nobu

Looks like a couple people may have had a bit too much to drink. The result: I am molested by co-workers (Las Vegas, NV).

FRIENDS FOREVER!!!

Christy makes everyone look like a giant...and those chopsticks were actually about a foot in front of her chest (Las Vegas, NV).

I make friends wherever I go (Venice, CA)


How hard can I pretend that my piscture ISN'T being taken? (Venice, CA)


Attempting a feat of strength only few can achieve... (Santa Monica, CA)


Only in California: gym + beach (Santa Monica, CA) 

Tudo Bem

These guys were 'discovered' in a fishing village outside of Salvador. SAMBA! (Salvador, BR)


Peacocks a plenty! (Salvador, Brazil)

Can you tell we're sisters? (And she didn't even fix my sleeve!)

A bride's work is NEVER done. (Phoenix, AZ)

I dropped my camera in the water. So I stole these images.

Morocco or Mexico?

fun with angles (Las Conchas, Son., MEX)

"Happy vente-ocho de abril!" (Puerto Penasco, Son., MEX)

You don't want to cross the border without insurance. Of course, the crack in my windshield happened NORTH of the border but who's counting? (Ajo, AZ)

Desert, desert, desert, beach! (Las Conchas, Son., MEX)

The sun sets on the Sea of Cortez

Viva Mexico!

Holy mother of tan! And yes, he IS a Jimmy Buffet fan.

The start of an evening of "Bon Voyage"

Apparently the Man Posse is easily offended. Or maybe Susan farted.

Introducing....Kim Noassatall



This picture really doesn't belong here, does it?

Life is suddenly tinted yellow.